me and the only friend that hasnt let me down.

- posted by gabe @ 10:37 PM

 
wierd feeling inside..

isn't it wierd how a song can bring memmories back. i remember waking up in the morning with the music blasting, jumping out of bed and excitedly picking out my clothes for the day. oh how fun middle school was.
its been so long i forgot who my best friend was, my cousin peggy. i remember how pissed off i was when her stupid dad made her move out and live with him in colorado. we were always together walking home from school and doing homework. when she moved i was like oh ill call you like every week and we'll email and all that crap. we'll she left in 1999 my freshman year and i feel so empty because we missed out on a lot of good times. now she has a steady career and i doubt she is going to move back down here. i really wish she were here because i would have someone to talk to when my friends dont call. i just really wish i could relive my whole elementary and middle school years, because that was when i was the happiest. time continues on and our memories just get more obscure till we forget them completly. tic toc tic toc goes old father time.
- posted by gabe @ 7:54 PM

 
summer at last!!!!!!
well its summer time,hooray. now this weekend im off to arizona to get my new set of wheels, but unfortunatly my cousins are all in hawaii. who wants to go with me!!!oh well. im done, im very bla today.
- posted by gabe @ 3:09 PM

 
i am the social misfit
ever since my soph year in highschool i felt that i never really fit in. always saying stupid things. overdoing jokes till there not funny anymore. kind of just floating around from group to group. the guy thats always just there filling in the circle that gets ignored.a feeling of emptyness that makes me want to hide some where and cry. i blame it on my personality. although it has kept me from getting into drugs and shit like that, it still sucked.friends rarely call to hang out. i have always have to call them. make the extra effort take them to lunch or take them somewhere. im mister realiable, the guy that gets things done. they call when they need something done like installing a new steering wheel, a system for there car, help with some engine modifications. im the first to leave whatever im doing to help out, thinking this is what friends do. when i call for help its oh ill totally call you later, im in church or im helping my dad. some bullshit. now its understandable to be busy. but call when you cant make it. i dont care if they say i cant today. im just sick of that o ill call you later shit. im very afraid because the lack of good friends has made me extremly self concious and shy. im afriad to talk to new people because im afriad ill say something stupid and my face will get all red and ill get totally embarassed. id rather walk the long way around than talk to someone.its like im growing up with a big part of my character missing. it takes me a long time to warm up to new people it feels like i have to feel them out to see if they are genuine. thats why i've never had a girlfriend. dont even get me started how impossible that is for me in my state of mind. it hurts cause i see how happy my sister and my cousins are.
i beleive thats why i love metallica so much. i started listening to them when i was happy in middle school. was in a sorta band with friends freshmann year doing metallica covers. good memmories. i will always associate there music to my happiest times. anyways i have seem to have gotten off trrack. im tired and i got in a car accident yesterday so i am in a shit mood once again.
- posted by gabe @ 10:26 PM